In this new regular column series, Bernie Shelly explores the strange, funny rituals of everyday surf life — from awkward line-up conversations and endless paddle-outs to bruised egos and near-collisions in the surf. At the centre is Ichabod: intense, stubborn and fiercely focused, the perfect foil for Bernie’s dry humour and sharp observations about friendship, etiquette and the absurd beauty of sharing waves with other people.
1. Talking in the Line-up.
Between sets Ichabod once said to me that if you talk you don’t surf.
“Once you get distracted by chit-chat you lose your rhythm,” he said. “No spinning of long yarns. You need to focus intently on what you’re doing.”
He has a point. Also, he must have thought I was being bothersome, prattling in the lineup.
When he came paddling back after a lovely long left, I told him: “Not every surf session has to be a life-affirming experience. Sometimes you want to exchange pleasantries with people you haven’t seen for a while.”
He took off again. A right this time. Focussing intently.
“Sometimes you should just chill and enjoy nature,” I shouted at his receding back., “and if you get waves, that’s a bonus.”
For the next hour he ignored me — he continued focusing intently.
“I don’t like surfing in large groups,” he told me as we meandered back to shore. “Being sociable in the water. Not my thing.”
“Well, no. I’m not saying large groups. Just be pleasant, that’s all. Be friendly towards those around you. Especially to people you know.”
“Friendly? Even with buddies I lose my surfing mojo if I engage too much.”
“You come across as churlish,” I suggested, “You can at least smile. Or nod. Smile and wave, you know?”
He granted me that.
But he’s sensitive, is my friend Ichabod. I mean, wouldn’t you be if your parents had given you a name like that? He could have been a disgruntled five year old, the way he said: “I’m not being anti-social.”
“You need to learn to share more, Ichabod. It’s not as though we’re charging Dungeons.”
“Humph.” He really said that: “Humph.”
He’s persistent, if nothing else. In the carpark, as we changed out of our wetsuits, he grumbled: “The number of people surfing these days is a challenge and I’m trying to find the times and locations with fewer people.”
“So’s you have fewer people to not talk to?”
We’re on speaking terms now, two weeks later.
Check in next week as Ichabod discovers that in surfing, the longest paddle-outs usually begin with the smallest misunderstanding.